Thursday, April 21, 2011

A Walk Down {embarrassing} Memory Lane - 4th Grade and the Fart That Escaped Me

The year was 1991.  The top TV shows were Roseanne and Murphy Brown, the #1 song on the Billboard Top 10 was "Baby Baby" by Amy Grant, and Terminator 2 was the biggest money maker.  I was entering the 4th grade at a brand new school in a brand new state.  Your tweens are awkward enough, but when you resemble a living breathing version of Dora the Explorer, popularity is guaranteed out of the question.  It didn't help that I was a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan and I would show my support by wearing many NKOTB t-shirts...you know, like any mega super fan would.   Apparently at this school, in this state, that was frowned upon among the student body...at least from the boys. 

So I'm sitting in class minding my own business, trying not to draw any attention to myself in fear of being teased.  It was clear I had all strikes against me - big hair (and not the cool 90's big hair, the no product uncontrollable kind of big hair), chubby, NKOTB fan, and NEW.  The teacher asks us to grab our book so we can start the lesson.  At this point in the story, you must remember I'm 9 years old.  I was even less quick witted than I am now.   I bent down to my left to grab the book out of my backpack and that's when it happened.   I think I heard the sound before I realized that the sound that echoed the classroom came out of me.  As soon as I realized what had just occured, it was like a deer caught in the headlights.  My eyes widened, my mouth opened and FEAR had taken over my body.  The only thought I had was, "What are the chances no one heard that?"  Quick! Think Cristal Think!  Then came the dreaded outburst from the boy sitting next to me....

BOY: You farted!!

Call the jeweler because this is a gem of a come back...I'm shocked I was even able to speak since I was almost catatonic...and here it is...

Me: No I didn't!

Yup, that is all I could come up with.  I didn't blame someone else or try to convince the class it was really him.  He really had a solid case against me either way...he was literally like a foot away from me...if he bent down to the left to grab his book, well, the area of which this sound (and most likely smell) came out of was right by his face.  Poor kid, I almost feel bad for him now. 

The End

1 comment:

Perfectly Content Busy Momma said...

Ha! I was the weird new kid in 4th grade to, the teacher and i had the same name, and my parents insisted I wear dresses and bows bigger than my head, so since they were the ones buying the clothes, i had to wear them. I was teased all the time. I was never the cool kid..lol

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